I drank more red wine
than the pint of blood
I’d donated the day before.
I showered the smell off of me,
washed my hair four times
and tried to let everything that had happened
I stand tall,
hoping that I’ll never fall down
too fast, and fall in
I race towards things blindly -
not needing light to see
nor torches to guide me.
I never embrace anything lightly -
it’s either all-or-nothing baby, hit the brakes before you start or
we’re going going gone
without looking back to see what we’ve done
and how far we’ve come.
You see, I’m drawn to everything that won’t love me back:
a boy, perhaps;
or a cactus -
that’ll prick my soft exterior if I let it,
make me cry
and swear that I’ll never let it get
this bad again.
how can I lock away my heart
in order to guard it,
when all I want is my guard down
and fast disappearing?
When being with love is like being submerged
in a glass of golden fizzing champagne bubbles
threatening to spill over
and explode in a shower of bright sparks
that illuminate the cloudy dark?
I give my heart freely.
For love has the longest arms and if this life’s too short
what’s the point of living with stumps?
Because I walk with sunshine shining out the soles of my feet -
steps gleaming with beams of shimmering brilliance,
and radiating heat.
I have flowers painted in the palms of my hand
blooming every time I touch your face,
reaching towards its light
like it’s native land
and I’m coming home.
I walk with the moon in my eyes,
silver light-dappled lagoon warm in the winds,
kissing the water in anticipation for the sun to rise.
I sleep with cotton soft thoughts
and indestructible beliefs.
For I believe in those silly little notions -
the simple harmonic motions of
Strength and Compassion.
Daring to cast off the chains lain heavy
by a society who believes in constraining something beautiful.
That doesn’t teach you things like the idea
of throwing yourself away,
far and wide,
circling round like a boomerang,
and then pick yourself back up
before ever entertaining the idea that someone else could do it.
learn your away around your heart
should you ever think of parting with it -
then present it like a work of art
that must be shown to the world,
like we’re fucking counting on it.
Unstitch the pain you’ve been hemming into your soul -
carefully creating crochets of cracked nothingness,
sewing that hurt and grief into the linings of your mind.
Repeat after me:
I am composed of tiny bits of luminous stardust
that sparkle with this luster -
enough strength to muster up the courage
to say the things that I should.
I will not dim down what glows inside to appease
the uneasy crowds around me.
This is me:
blustering and burning,
that it’s OKAY to be this way.
I will never say sorry for feeling all that I do.
I will stand UP when needed to,
because I have nothing to prove to anyone nor anything